Consequences.

Where’s the line in what’s accepted behaviour because of neurological or physical uniqueness and unacceptable behaviours?

I’m really struggling to find the balance between the two. For example, today we had almighty emotional and physical outbursts where arms and legs were thrown and injury to others was intentionally caused, not once but twice. Both incidences were over very minor requests, in fact so minor I can’t remember what the first one was. I get that C cannot regulate her emotions, she’ll go from 0-100 in a nanosecond but what I can’t and won’t condone is physical violence. This violence is getting worse, more aimed and targeted with such intent to cause injury. However, we had two parties today so what’s the appropriate consequence? Thankfully both families hosting the parties are lovely and completely get us as a family but equally if we had stopped C going to these parties it would have impacted more people than just herself and the one of us that would have had to stay behind. If we had taken her and made her stay by our sides that would have caused more issues and embarrassment at yet another outburst, this time in public. If we let her go and enjoy the parties, has she got away with the violence and have we in turn without communicating it, effectively told her that she can be violent and hurt people and she’ll still get what she wants anyway.

Sadly, the natural consequence of one of these actions would have impacted her sister and affected her participation in one of these parties and that was something I was happy to do.

I guess in these events there are no right or wrong answers because either way your dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. But I’ve be very interested to hear what you have/may have done in a similar situation.

Consequence doesn’t really work with C, I’ve friend natural and impact such as you’ll lose tablet time or you’ll have to replace what you broke etc, it doesn’t faze her in the slightest after the event, to the point she’ll do it again knowing the result and upcoming consequence. On the same hand knowing that they don’t work should I not enforce consequence, after all, it seems a waste of my emotion and sanity to enforce them or will this let her know that she can do what she wants when she wants? Natural consequences aren’t always appropriate for us, example, if you mess around at bedtime and don’t go to sleep, you’ll be tired the next morning. While that’s great on the forefront, I must deal with the effects of her tiredness through yet more outbursts and unstable emotions the next day. This impacts me more than her.

I feel trapped on how to manage unwanted behaviours. I can’t let them all slide yet I can’t consequence them either. Back to my opening statement, “Where’s the line in what’s accepted behaviour because of neurological or physical uniqueness and unacceptable behaviours”. I’m hoping in time we will find answers of some kind and be able to manage and function better, but for now we’ll muddle through.

Take care,

Chloe